Raw. Here I am.

Four years and three months ago I was hospitalized for depression. Something was so wrong that I did not know how to live and I did not want to.

My life before hospitalization is the prologue of my story, which won’t be shared here or now. Chapter one starts after I got out of the hospital. I soon dropped out of University and moved back home to LA. I did not want to be on medication after the many failed trial and errors with pill after pill which either completely numbed me or had crazy side affects. If I wanted to dig myself out of this black hole of depression and see the sunlight again, I had to get to the root.

Besides the fact that it runs in my family, the main cause of my depression then was a secret I was carrying. I was raped when I was 14. Until my first yoga teacher training a year a half after the hospital, I had stuffed it so deep down I could not see the cause of my pain. As soon as I let it out, color came back in the world. I felt free. This freedom allowed me to explore deep and true relationship with myself and others. It enabled me to explore spirituality in ways outside the church I was born into. It allowed me to explore the world and move half-way across it. I consider this part of my life chapter two: empowered and free.

I experienced that what I put into my body and how I moved it changed how I felt and thought. I changed my diet towards whole, natural, vegetarian foods. I threw myself into workouts, both in and outdoor. I started pursing hobbies as careers, instead of degrees at universities. I got a job at the front desk of a yoga studio. I had access to practice all the time and soon started my first yoga teacher training. The door opened for a fulfilling, exciting, active career and more importantly the door opened to self-love. The physical practice of yoga can be life saving, but go deeper into all eight limbs and you will be transformed in your heart and soul. This is the deep stuff, the stuff that feeds you beyond food.

Today, my medicine for happiness, balance, peace, love, centering, grounding, confidence, and clarity, includes yoga (all eight limbs of it, which I’ll get into in another post), a bio-individual, healthy, mostly home-cooked, Mediterranean diet with lots tea, water and supplements, a career path that I love (I’m teaching five types of yoga and studying at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition to become a holistic health coach), honest, healthy relationships with my partner, family and friends, reading, writing, affirmations and a connection to my spirituality.

I am now in love with my life’s journey and how perfectly imperfect it is. I’ll be sharing things that I’ve learned/am learning along my way, mostly related to yoga, holistic health and relationships.

I am excited our paths are crossing and I hope to grow together. I’d love to hear from you and what some of your “medicines” for happiness are.

Sending you love on your journey,

Bex

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12 thoughts on “Raw. Here I am.

  1. Becca, thanks for sharing all of that. I understand some of why it was hard for you and respect your honesty and courage. I also understand the many influences of our lives and the variety of things that shape us, I am thankful for you and for your victories and you are always in my prayers .
    Love you, Karina

    Like

  2. Becca, you are and have always been an inspiration. I admire your courage to blog, and share your experiences and wisdom. Can’t wait to read more.

    Like

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